Raised on Promises
by NeoVenus22
Summary: PRMF. Under the shade of the tree is where things begin. [complete]


Spoilers for 1x32, 'Mystic Fate'. Written for Sarafu.

Disclaimer: no one mentioned belongs to me.

* * *

"Hey, Xander."

Xander paused in the act of tucking his headphones under his helmet. After closing up, he always followed the same routine: helmet, headphones, punchy workout music blasting on his iPod, then cutting through the park so he could take Segundo St. home, past the old community pool. They'd since shut down the empty pool as a makeshift skate park, but if he timed it right, he could usually catch a few of the more rebellious locals practicing their moves.

At the edge of the park, dusk starting to fall on Sunday, Xander wasn't expecting to see anyone. He'd let Chip and Leelee go an hour ago. But Madison was sitting under the tree, the one Xander had heard Vida referring to as 'Nick's tree,' watching Xander as he fastened his chin strap. "Maddie," he said, "what's up?"

"You done for the day?"

"The Rockporium is officially closed for the evening," he said. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow to use your employee discount."

She smiled, ducking her head a little. "Yeah, well, that's not what I came for."

"The ladies do come from far and wide to see my smiling face," he joked.

"Xander, can we talk?"

Madison seemed unusually serious, even for her, although they'd all gotten to be considerably more serious about things in the past year. "Sure thing," he said, removing his helmet and tucking his headphones into the breast pocket of his checked shirt. He squatted on the grass next to her.

"I broke up with Nick," she said, once she'd ascertained he was settled.

"Oh," said Xander, surprised by her bluntness. "I didn't..."

"I couldn't be expected to wait around forever, could I?" she said. "He keeps saying he'll come back. We talk on the phone, and he writes postcards, and he says that he misses me, but..." She shrugged, moved her hand up to brush hair away from her face, and her fingers lingered for a second, just behind her ear, pads lost in thick, dark hair. "He's already found what he's looking for, and it's not me."

"Maddie, I'm sorry."

She gave him a lopsided smile. "You know something? I don't think I really am. I mean, Nick is really special, and I know we're always going to be friends, it's just that... I don't know. It's like in action movies, where you know the leads are going to get together in the end, because they've both lived through something that no one else will ever understand."

"Just so you know, the rest of us were there, too." He drummed his thumb against his helmet, running it over the grooves and scratches of long use.

"I know. But you were there before. There was no question that you would be there after." Madison's hand landed over his, pressing his palm flat against the cool plastic of his helmet.

Xander stared at her hand, at the scar still carved jaggedly between two knuckles from one battle or another. "I'm sure he didn't want to leave," he said.

"Yes he did."

"No, Maddie, I'm sure he didn't want to leave you." Xander was usually so good with words, but he was obviously treading dangerous waters, so he had to be extra careful. "No one in their right mind would."

"Would you?"

"Of course not," he said, without thinking much about it. But when he glanced at Madison, she was smiling at the grass. She retracted her hand, folding the both of them in her lap.

"I didn't think so"  
"But this isn't about me," he interjected quickly.  
Madison didn't answer, and Xander took great pains to ignore what her silence meant.

"So you're really okay with this, then?" he asked with excess casualness.

"I mailed the blanket back to him."

"I take it that's a yes"  
"It's weird, is all. Breakups are supposed to be messy affairs, and I feel like I should feel worse than I do, you know? But I just feel sort of relieved. It's over. I don't have to torture myself anymore with 'what ifs.' I don't have to feel guilty for thinking about someone else"  
Xander blanched. "You were thinking about someone else?" he said flatly. This was bordering on too much information. If Nick asked later, and he might, because Madison wasn't the only one maintaining correspondence with him, Xander wanted to know nothing, and say nothing, and not betray his friend.  
"No, not exactly. I just wonder sometimes if I'm missing out on something because I'm tied to this. Nick gets to go everywhere, but our relationship is going nowhere." She cast Xander a sideways glance, with the same uncertain, floundering Madison he'd first met in her eyes. "Am I crazy"  
"Madison, in the years I've known you, you've never once been crazy," he said honestly. "This is your decision, and you have to go with what you feel is right"  
"I was hoping you'd say something like that," she mumbled.  
"Hey, I'm kinda hungry. The plight of the working man, and all that. Do you want to go get some ice cream or something?" He was being anything but subtle, and Madison was no doubt smart enough to see right through his nervous chatter. Xander hadn't been exactly thrilled when Madison had told him she and Nick were an item, but they were his friends, and he wanted his friends to be happy, so he'd pushed his ill will aside. Now though, knowing he'd swallowed down his misgivings and it had all gone to pot anyway, he couldn't help but feel guilty, as though he hadn't supported them enough, and their breakup lay on his shoulders.  
Madison only shook her head. "I think I'd like to stay here awhile"  
She didn't ask him to stay, but she didn't ask him to go, either. Xander eventually stopped counting breaths and leaned back against the tree. The bark was rough at his back, even through the padding of his shirt. "Remember when we used to use this tree as a door"  
Madison giggled a little. "Yeah, nothing weird about five kids disappearing into a tree"  
"Makes me think of an old joke," he said.  
"Yeah"  
"Yeah." He folded his legs under him and waited until he was granted her full attention. Solemnly, he intoned, "Two men walk into a bar. The second one should have seen it coming"  
There was a full beat of silence before the punch line kicked in, and then Madison burst into peals of laughter. "That was ridiculous," she scolded him.  
"Made you smile," he countered.  
"Xander, you've never not made me smile."

"Well, I think today you need it more than ever."

Madison rolled her eyes. "I'm not burdened with malaise or anything, Xander."

"Ooh, I like that," he teased. "'Burdened with Malaise: the Madison Rocca Story.'"

She poked his elbow sharply. "Watch what you say." He grinned at her. "And besides, I'm telling you, I'm really okay with it."

"So then why come here if you don't want to talk about Nick?"

"Because I wanted to talk about you." Then she promptly leaned forward and did something that was very much not talking, although it did involve her mouth. Xander could only blink helplessly as Madison pulled back from her sneak attack kiss, and remember to breathe. It wasn't that a woman had never thrown herself at him before; it was that this was Madison, one of his oldest and closest friends, who had just informed him that she'd broken up with her long-distance, sort-of boyfriend. Xander was floored, a little excited, and more importantly, confused.

"What just happened here?"

"Have you ever thought about you and me?" she asked. When he gaped helplessly at her, she added, "Be honest."

"I... well... yes. But."

"But what?"

"Madison, where is all of this coming from?"

"It's been there awhile," she said. "I just sort of sprung it on you all at once. Xander, you're my best friend. And I didn't say anything because of Nick, and I didn't say anything because I didn't want things to get weird between us. But I really like you, Xander."

"I really like you too," he said without thinking, and was rewarded for his foot-in-mouth disease by her delighted smile. He hated to take it away, but it had to be said. "I think it's too soon, though. I don't want to be the rebound guy."

"You're not, I swear you're not."

"I don't want to be the mistress, either," he answered, a little more quickly and forcefully than he'd perhaps meant to. "Nick's my friend, too. Nick is a friend to everyone you and I know, and how are Chip and Toby and Clare and your sister going to react when they find out that you dumped him for me? That's a lot to put on my shoulders, Madison, and I can't say I appreciate it."

"I don't have to explain myself to them," she said with uncharacteristic stubbornness.

"No, you don't. But you don't have the right to put me in a position where I have to, either."

Madison exhaled loudly and scratched her nose. "I guess not. I'm sorry. It's just that this has been eating me up inside for awhile now, Xander, and I made the executive decision to tell you. I didn't mean to dump all my issues on you."

There was a thunk at Xander's knees. He looked over just in time to see a second fat raindrop explode on top of his helmet. A dusky drizzle fit the abrupt change in mood quite nicely, he thought. "Maddie... It's not as though I'm not interested. It's just... it's so soon."

She shook her head, running her finger through the splash. "Not for me, it's not. You've been right in front of me this whole time. I feel stupid for not realizing."

He wanted to say that he understood, because he did. He wanted to say he knew where she was coming from, because he did. But all he could think to say was, "And what if Nick comes back?"

"Nick's not coming back. He and Udonna and Leanbow have settled in somewhere. He gave me a PO box in Colorado. That's why I mailed him the blanket; I finally had an actual address to mail it to. He's not coming back."

"'Finally,'" he picked out the word. "So you've been thinking about this awhile."

"Yeah. I'm not rushing you, Xander. But promise me you'll think about it too."

In the many years of their friendship, Madison had asked Xander to make so few promises. And he'd kept every last one. He wasn't about to break tradition now. He still thought it was too soon, no matter how long Madison had had this on her mind, but he couldn't deny that he was thrilled she was seeing him in a different light. "I'm thinking," he said. He leaned forward and kissed her before he had the chance to talk himself out of it. Her lips were warm and soft, and his fingers curled around her shoulder a little more tightly, either for balance or out of desperation, he no longer knew which. He didn't want to say that he knew in that kiss, because he'd known for awhile. But the kiss didn't hurt.

Another fat droplet from a branch overhead rolled past his collar and down his back as he pulled away. Madison raised her eyebrows, and Xander grinned ruthlessly at her. "Still thinking."

Madison's relieved laughter went down like a cool drink on a hot day. Seconds later, the errant raindrops quickly turned into a downpour. "When it rains, it pours, huh?" he quipped.

"Don't be a dork."

Xander tilted his head towards hers so she could hear him better over the roar of the rain. "I'm not saying yes, not yet. I need to know that this isn't a rebound thing. Not that I'm saying I don't believe you when you say it isn't, but sometimes we don't always know what our heart wants until it's too late. I know I want you, Madison, and I don't know if I'll be able to take it if you change your mind and don't want me." He brushed his lips across hers quickly in apology. "I think we should take this one day at a time."

"I can live with that." She nodded resolutely.

Xander pushed off the damp ground and tucked his helmet under his arm in one smooth motion. He extended his free hand to Madison and helped pull her to her feet. He allowed himself to feel the tingle from her touch that he'd been repressing for the past year and a half, but cautioned himself not to get his hopes too high. Madison was too sweet and too caring to walk away from her tenuous relationship with Nick without any guilt, and Xander wasn't so naive as to believe it wouldn't come back to haunt them at some point. But he was determined to take it slowly, for both of their sakes.

"Walk you home?" he offered. The tree had abandoned shielding them from the downpour, and Xander's clothes were starting to stick to him.

"I thought you usually headed down Segundo."

"The skaters won't be out in this weather," he said. "Besides, what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't walk my lady home in the rain?"

"Your lady, huh?" she teased. "I thought we were doing this slowly."

"I was merely using a figure of speech, to illustrate my gentlemanly qualities."

Madison nodded with mock sincerity. "Oh, yes, of course. Well, good sir, I would love the pleasure of your company as you escort me back to my estate." She crooked her arm, suggesting he hook his through it, but Xander abandoned that gesture altogether, drawing his arm around her waist and pulling her to him for one last kiss that lasted longer than it probably should have.

"Just in case," he said, his voice barely audible over the smack of rain against the sidewalk.

"I'm serious, you know," she said.

"Believe me, I know. I have never doubted your seriousness about anything. It's one of the things I like most about you."

"Oh really?"

"Really." He tossed his wet arm around her wet shoulders, and didn't even feel the rain.


End file.
